#SomeOneLikeYou OK Lang Mag-Struggle at Mabigo Experience

Tingnan mo to:

Naisip mo ba kung paano babangon yung pagong?

If last time, it was the writing style of Pastor Rico to show not tell that brought me inside the pages of the previous book, this time it was my own season that led me to reflect on his 2nd OK Lang series book. Honestly, I could have published this reflection shortly after reviewing the first Book review Salticket had. It was not until I myself experienced real time na mag-struggle at mabigo. Sa totoo lang, noong mga panahong iyon ang prayer request ko sa Growth Group ko ay ‘Sanity’. At ang motto ko tuwing weekday morning ay , “Do It Afraid’.

For a month, I felt like that turtle sa office, mabagal at failure sa work Naisip ko, “Paano ako babangon?”. I have fallen short of the things expected of me, having stayed in my department for two years. Truth be told,the commendations and compliments amount to nothing because in my head- I am not a blessing to the people around me at work. I really wanted to scream, ‘So much…!’ and resign.But I remembered having prayed for humility. I was consoled that even while I cannot see, HE is doing something in me. I was blessed to receive a less toxic task. But ignoring something as simple like ‘CTRL+S’ caused me daily mishaps and the people around. Kung sino man si “Mike” sa Introduction ng libro, ramdam ko siya in the marketplace setting. ‘Mike’ was told,’Christian ka pa naman, dapat na-overcome mo na yan.’I was told something familiar in work context. Even the thing where I thought I am being a blessing to people over the phone and around me were weighed in against me. I was beyond demotivated .

The church I go to, is a building away from work. Whenever I felt wounded severely, attacked by the enemy through people and circumstances,I run to the church’s chapel as I am, however, I feel. Doon ko sinusumbong sa Lord ang sarili ko at ang ibang tao. Doon ako dumadaing, umiiyak at humagulhol sa mga bagay na mahirap ko’ng tangapin. And, every time I look to the empty cross-hindi laging nawawala ang sakit.But I am sure JESUS bore it ahead for me. But the pain was necessary to let His love draw me closer to Him.

I always see the posts on social networks about ‘Failing Forward’. Ako? I failed further. I tried to help God help me in a way I deemed harmless, which seemed to get me the results demanded of me, but not with my backlogs. I am very grateful how my immediate supervisor helped me work on my backlogs in a way ‘gentle and kind’. I experienced Matthew 11:28 slowly but surely. But like helping God never really helped Abraham, what I did, did not help me but even brought harm to the company. That time, I had a clear glimpse of God’s mercy- I was disciplined when I was expecting punishment. I was ready for all the cruel words I deserved and would receive. But no! I received affirmation and reinstatement. It was much of a God-moment.

I have no excuse for my response to struggle- mediocrity. The night after the reprimand, I read through Psalms 51 and cried for a ‘new heart and a new spirit within me’. I knew and understood that ‘Work is Worship’ and flank on it. I wouldn’t know how the turtle can get backed up lest someone pick it up. God picked me up through people around treating with me mercy and graced me through people over the phone. I am one of the two staff who received the highest number of promoters, which felt like God erasing the tag I wrote to myself ‘mediocre’.I realized, why should I think of giving up?

Yes! I fear! I struggle! I fail! Pero Okay lang. After all God is still God and He is My Father. HE is not done with me yet.